With Love...

            Why is our world filled with hate? Why is it filled with people that will snuff out our light whenever they are given the chance? Why is it filled with diseases that cause people to go into a massive panic? Well dear reader, I wish I had an answer, I really do. But I’m not going to play God, I can only be myself and lean into that uncertainty. However, one of the things I have learned over the past couple of years is that world peace cannot start without inner peace. I feel sad that some people have to exert their power and end up hurting others because they are not connected to their true selves. I know that being true to oneself is not enough to fix the world, but if we are not true to ourselves in the act of healing the world, then are we healing the world for the right reasons?

            I can honestly say that it took me 25 years to genuinely love myself. I, like many of my readers, are a healer of this Earth. Being a healer means that I put my hope into humanity. My soul does not have the capacity to have hope in humanity unless I have hope in myself. While hope is not the same as love, it is another expression love. One of the ways I was intentional about practicing self-love, and placing hope in myself, is writing letters to me. Below is an extremely edited version of a letter I wrote to myself during this process. I hope there is something that resonates with you beautiful readers. 

Dear Julia,

            As awkward as it is writing this letter to myself in a coffee shop, I know that the awkwardness will soon fade. After all, the awkwardness of bringing my sketchbook to a coffee shop was awkward at first and now it is one of my favorite activities that I do to feel joy. Part of the reason I feel so awkward writing this letter in a coffee shop is because I am almost done with my drink and starting to recognize how alone I am. Being alone is like swimming in a sea of emotion and never knowing if we’ll ever make it to the shoreline. That is, at least, what I used to think.

            Now I am learning that being alone is like walking through a forest, and being lonely is coming face to face with the three-eyed monsters that live in that forest. Julia, never mistake being loneliness for solitude, but when you do, recognize that it is a thing all humans do. We create labels so we cannot validate our experiences. I call myself an introvert so I don't have to deal with the pain others have caused me. Its much easier to call myself a lonely introvert than a lonely extravert, I cannot process the pain of calling myself an extravert and lonely. At least, that is what I used to belief when I had no hope that the pain would end.

            Over the last several years I learned that we are more than our emotions, more than the pain we experience and more than the labels we call ourselves. All of that, while being a beautiful part of the human experience, is nothing compared to the joy, values and divine goodness we bring to this world. Julia, I love you. I love you more than what labels you call yourself. I love you more than your loneliness and your pain. I love you at your worst times, and I love you at your best times. My love for you is not bound by this physical world we live in.

            You may not have everything you desire in this world, but what I desire most in this world is you. My love for you is expressed in the desire that you will always be authentic to your values. I desire for us to grow, and although it maybe hard to admit, I think you have the same desire. I know it is tempting to hide yourself from the world, but even at those moments I still love you. I hope my love for you gives you strength.

            Julia, you are strong and you are worthy. No matter what your reality is, you are worthy and your beauty is boundless. You are lovable. Period. You are lovable no matter what because your spirit is not God forsaken. The only part of our life that is God forsaken is the parts that we allow them to be. And Julia, I maybe speaking out of privilege, but self-love should never be a privilege. Self-love is a vital part of our humanity. It centers us into growing into the person we are called to be at the time.

            If you still feel like this letter isn’t relevant to you Julia, remember two things. You will never be perfect, but you will always be the perfect version of yourself for who you need to be in that moment; and that I love you because you love yourself. 

            With you always, 

                    Julia