Butterfly Spirits

Hello Soulful Butterflies,

You’ve been hurt, and I want to take some time to acknowledge that. I know you are wise enough to not be overcome by that hurt but that does not diminish the fact that sometimes it is difficult to see the light, the goodness that is to come. So little butterfly, I will sit with you in the darkness until you can fly towards the light again.

Yes little butterfly, I know they hurt you. I know it isn’t fair; you deserve more love than this world is capable of giving! You deserve for people to listen to your truth that you so boldly choose to live out. The problem with these scared humans is that they do not understand that you are already living out your truth by being your authentic self- the one that is gentle, quiet and reflective. Humans do not understand the difference between a caterpillar and a butterfly, just as they do not understand that an introspective soul is not any less or greater than a vocal or vibrant one. 

This world is full of enough comparisons to make us feel less than. It doesn't need another one to tell us that our souls, where we put our hearts, and how we experience the world is less than others. I think on a human level we can all relate to the pain of feeling like the world is rejecting us. On another level, I think we can all relate to this butterfly and the butterfly comforter. Society teaches us that in order to protect ourselves we must place limits on our emotions. However, I think the beauty of humanity lies in the fact that our emotions our boundless. I am does not equal I feel. I am Julia and I feel sad, but I am not sadness. I can feel sadness, resentment, and anger, hope, love and joy all at once; I am not defined by one emotion nor am I bound to only experience one emotion. 

I can hold the emotions of loss and confusion of the butterfly and the emotions of hope and peace of the butterfly comforter at the same time. I need both entities in order to be my authentic, compassionate self. The only problem is the last couple of years I had my wings torn. I was in an environment where I felt like my butterfly wasn't acknowledged or validated. I know so far I’ve been writing in abstract metaphors, and to be honest I’ve had a little trouble keeping up with my own writing. If I didn't write this post metaphorically, I would be afraid of how much anger and resentment would shine through. While I still have a plethora of emotions to process, I am at this point where I am learning to let go of the pain. There is a time and space for anger and resentment, but I am in a time and space where those emotions are not needed.

At this point in my life, I do not need anger and resentment because they do not serve me. While I cannot control my thoughts and feelings, I only want to hold onto the thoughts and feelings that will help serve me in living out my best self. Holding resentment in my heart, while it is easy to do, is not worth the emotionally energy. As cliché as it might sound, I want to give those feelings over to God. I want to honor the pain I’ve felt but even more so I want God to teach me how to release that pain so I can grow into who I am meant to be.

And you know what? God told me something: to grow where you are planted. At the time, I was not where I wanted to be and I still have a long way to go in order to get there. It was incredibly easy for me to feel trapped in a cycle of bitter resentment. Even though my dream life still feels far off, dwelling on these negative feelings didn't allow me to see the joy in the present. I couldn't grow where I was planted because I couldn't find joy and peace. It took me forever to realize that true peace does not come from living the ideal life that I want, but rather living into my ideal self. The power of the phrase “grow where you’re planted,” gives humans the freedom to find inner peace by finding gratitude in the moment. 

Growing were I am planted is a brave act that helps me become the woman I am meant to be. It involves intentionally surrounding myself with people and places I love so that I can see the love, joy and peace in life. It is a spiritual practice that allows me to focus on gratitude. Love, joy, peace and gratitude are all things I need in order for me to heal my butterfly. They are all things I need in order for my spirit to live both into the butterfly and the butterfly comforter. They are all part of the Divine that allows me to shed the pain and allow my gentle spirit to soar.